HaZe DaZeD

Been feeling down lately. Been feeling angry, upset, sad, overwhelmed, underappreciated and invisible. I know I’ve been one to always promote a positive outlook to my friends, but somehow I can’t do the same for myself. I just don’t see those green pastures of the other side, no matter how hard I look. I just feel like crap.

Have you ever felt like you can’t figure out your purpose in this world? Sure its the usual we’ve heard all our lives… being a good servant of God and a good person, but besides that, why ARE we here? For the life of me, I can’t seem to figure that out just yet. Am I merely here just to fill a void? Just be a person who cleans and picks up after people? Just a feeding bottle to my baby? Just here to be emotionally ignored by people around me? Is everyone around me really that oblivious, or am I asking too much? These thoughts just haunts me day and night and its slowly but surely killing my spirit.

I miss my old self. The carefree person with a big bright smile plastered on my face most of the time. The person who can laugh for hours with her friends and family. That person seem so lost to me now. Now, all I have is a permanent worryline on my forehead, a constant headache and tears. Even when I meet up with friends and family, all we do is talk about problems and the unjustness of life. Isn’t it ironic that back then we were dreaming of where we are now, and now that we’ve achieved those dreams, we long for the good ol’ days and your good ol’ self?

I feel that my only bright light in this humdrum life is my angel Deena. She is the one person whose face lights up every time I enter the room. The only person who wants and needs me as much as I want and need her. The only person who makes living this hollow life worthwhile. So everyday, I go around like a robot doing all my chores and responsibilities, until I finally come home to my baby. Only then will I feel that everything is right in this world… or at least, until tomorrow comes.