HaZe DaZeD

Do not check your computers – it’s working just fine. It’s just me again, back from my disappearing act. For how long, I dunno, just know that I’m here for the here and now. Was pretty busy the past few months, with work and personal life. I have lots to ramble on about, just didn’t have the time or energy to do it. But after much prodding from my hubby, cousins and frens, as well as the lack of things to do at work lately, I’ve decided to make a come-back. Just so u know. Hehe

So here’s a brief run-thru: I got married, went for a wonderful honeymoon in Bali (no details please!), got chicken pox (I know! Great timing, right?), found a house to rent, and were slowly moving in bit by bit in between visiting our many relatives and work, found out that the house was a big disappointment, began to get my own clients at work, closed a couple of deals, got involved with my school alumni’s (batch ‘97) 10-year reunion dinner committee, went to for a holiday in Phuket, took part in a treasure hunt expedition to Cameron Highlands and lots of other misadventures…

Quite a few things happened around me, too. Some are happy, some sad. A few of my cousins got married, which was great fun, coz I love helping out with the planning and events. My youngest sister got 4 flat (straight A’s) for her last semester and both of my sisters are graduating this year (I am so proud of them both!). Oh and not to forget, my 2 best friends have safely delivered beautiful babies, so I have a brand new baby bunkin nephew, Adham and a baby munchkin niece, Zara. Sadly though, my mom left the company she was with out of disappointment, which was tough on all of us, and one of my good friends went through a difficult time in her married life that resulted in a divorce. But I guess everything happens for a reason, and I hope that everything that my friends and family went through was for the best.

But what I really wanted to share with my fellow loyal readers is some wonderful news… Alhamdulillah, I’m pregnant with my first child! Some of you might’ve figured it out if u had seen my latest photos or read my bulletins once in a while. I’m so bloomin’ excited! My husband lagi pulak, he’s convinced that we’re having a boy, despite the fact that my baby’s a very shy angel… My parents, sisters and in-laws are pleased as peaches, and my close friends can’t help but become my pregnancy advisors… hehe.

I am now coming to 6 months pregnant (Yep, I told u I was busy with a lot of things going on in my life!). It’s been one really interesting, awkward, exciting and wonderful rollercoaster ride. I went from months of morning sickness (I dunno WHY they call it morning sickness, when its really morning, noon & night!) to seeing my belly blow up to amazing sizes, to swollen feet and uncomfortable, sleepless nights to feeling my beloved baby kicking and dancing in my tummy. In between, going to monthly checkups was prolly one of the highlights throughout the pregnancy. To be perfectly honest, there’s only a few moments in life that really take your breath away, and I believe I have gone through quite a few of them this year. They are:

• Getting married
• Seeing those fateful double lines on the pregnancy kit
• Seeing your baby for the first time during ultrasound
• Feeling your baby move and kick for the first time

I know that most of them happened after conceiving, but really, is there anything more miraculous than bringing a baby into this world? Despite the aches and pains, I’ve never felt so blessed. Every time I think about my baby, or feel its movements, or see my husband kiss and talk to my belly, I can’t help but feel a delicious warmth go through me, indefinitely putting a smile on my face. Yeah, I’ve been fed a healthy dose of motherly instincts, that’s for sure… J

But I’m not going into the next phase of my life with my eyes closed. I know that bringing a baby into this world is hard work, and a huge responsibility. You’re not only responsible for yourself and your husband anymore, but for a helpless young life who will depend on you for its life, happiness and future. That’s no easy task, and I’m scared as hell. I question myself on my ability to be a good mother to my child everyday. I worry if I can set the right example for him/her, when I’m so flawed myself. I worry if I would be a good wife when I need to juggle motherhood, a husband, managing a household AND work at the same time. I get hives just thinking about it! I guess that’s why God says heaven is at the bottom of a mother’s heels… coz as each day goes by, I realize how tough being a mother is going to be. It makes me appreciate my mom even more, and I believe she’s more of a superwoman everyday, being a single mother and all.

But I guess all this is part and parcel of life, and there’s no turning back now. All I can hope for is some help and guidance along the way, and ultimately some support from my husband, family and friends. You guys will be there for me, wont you?

Well, think that’s enough for now. Am heading out for lunch with my good friend, haven’t had a good ol’ b*tchin’ session with her for eons. Both of us have major events looming ahead, and I guess it’d be nice to spill it to someone who cares for once. Later today, I might be dropping by the clinic for a short check up and to get a referral letter for the hospital. Will tell you how it goes… So till then, ciao peeps!