HaZe DaZeD

During one of our seminars, a  woman asked a common question. She said,"How
do I  know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that  there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It
depends. Is that your  husband?" In all seriousness, she answered  "How
do you know?"

Let me answer this question  because the chances are good that it’s
weighing on your  mind. Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In  the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse. You  anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked
their  idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse  wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely
natural and spontaneous  experience.

You didn’t have to DO anything.  That’s why it’s called "falling" in
love… Because it’s  happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I  was swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that  expression. It implies that you were just standing there;
doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO  YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It’s a  passive and spontaneous experience. But
after a few years of  marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the
natural cycle of  EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become
a  bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when  it
happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being  cute, drive
you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary  with every relationship, but if you think
about your  marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the
initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even  angry
subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your  spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the
right person?"  And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the
love  you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for
their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in  all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the
most obvious. But  sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or  abusive substances. But the answer to this
dilemma does NOT  lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it. I’m not saying that you  couldn’t fall in love with
someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be
in  the same situation a few years later. Because (listen  carefully to
this):

THE  KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT’S LEARNING  TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING  love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER
just  happen to you. You can’t "find" LASTING love. You have to "make"  it
day in and day out. That’s why we  have the expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time,  effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes
WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to  make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is  NOT a mystery. There are specific things
you can do  (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of  the universe (such as gravity), there
are also laws for  relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program  makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your  marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you
know  and apply the laws, the results are predictable… you can  "make"
love.

Love in marriage is indeed a  "decision"… Not just a feeling.