.: My Journey To Bliss :.

Filed under: Uncategorized — hazedazed at 2:36 am on Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Okay okay… so people DO read my nonsensical blabber. Am pleasantly surprised, i have to say. I just hope that my dear friends and colleagues who do read my blog wont get offended should i start speaking my mind… After all, where else can i practise freedom of speech if speaking your mind is a taboo in our culture? I figured that blogging was the only "safe" medium for me to dump all my anger, frustrations and happiness in.

So here goes. I guess people would call it fantastic news… But of course, there’s always 2 sides of a story. For those who follow my previous blog entries, you would know that a major event will be happening in my life very soon. I’ve been meaning to tell you all for eons now, but somehow the timing was never right. Well, i think i’m just gonna spit it out now.

I am getting married. Hitched. Hooked up. Matrimony. Whatever you wanna call it, it means starting a new life with somebody you love (obviously) and respect (ditto) for all eternity. Yup, i’ve come to that point in my life when it’s time to make a change, and i sincerely hope for the better.

Great news right? Sure! I’ve probably never been in such a high cloud 9 ever. I’m excited, happy, and in love. All along the bumpy ride towards marriage, the ups and downs, the tears and laughter, there’s always that main goal in my mind: To have the most memorable wedding that i can tell my children and grandchildren about when i’m old and gray.

But of course, it was never a bed a roses. People say being engaged to be married is the most trying time of your single life. I must say i agree. This was the time my partner and i REALLY learn about each other’s quirks and imperfections, argue endlessly with our parents with regards to the wedding arrangements and preparations, working our asses off so that there will even BE a wedding. As soon as we’ve sorted those kinks out, everything went relatively well. But as the date comes looming ahead, why do i have bats in my stomach instead of butterflies???

When people ask me how i feel about my upcoming wedding, i say i’m happy, a lil scared, but otherwise i’m fine. What they prolly dont know is what i mean by fine. If any of you are an Italian Job (the newer version) fan, u’d know what i mean:

F - reaked out
I - nsecure
N - eurotic
E - motional

Yes, I’m freaking out. As the countdown continues, my blood pressure escalates. Or maybe plummets? That’s prolly why i’ve been having a trainwreck of a migraine and dizzy spells lately.

Yes, I’m feeling terribly insecure. It seems like i’ve lost all confidence in my abilities and decisions. I’ve become this crazy person who doesn’t know what she really wants anymore. Do i go for cream or champagne colored sheets? Which makeup artiste should i hire? Did I decide to marry the right man? Hearing horror stories and past experiences in problematic marriages (not mine lar) really isn’t helping.

Yes, I’ve become a neurotic nutcase. I could be on an all time high, laughing and giggling away, and can suddenly break down in tears by just the tiniest setback. And in the next instant, i can be fuming like the raging fires of hell.

Yes, I’m emotional. One wrong thing said, and i’ll be in tears. One small mistake, and i’ll be ready to pounce on the waitress who didn’t get my orders right. But then again, i’ve always been incredibly moody anywayz… :P

So how do i cope with all the madness? I just plaster a big smile on my face, laugh off all criticisms, and try not to think too much about it, albeit not very successfully. I put up a brave front, and focus on the good stuff, all for the sake of my parents and sisters, who have been working like mad day and night to get this shindig off the ground. To them, i will be eternally grateful.

To some of my very good friends and family who have offered help and shoulders for me to cry on whenever i was feeling like crap, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’d probably be worse off without your support.

And last but not least, to my one and only Boo… Thank you for loving me. Thank you for understanding me, accepting my imperfections and putting up with this emotional wreck, especially these past few months. And thank you for teaching me that it’s ok to be me. I can only hope that i can be a good partner to you, and that we will be happy in our future life together.

Well, i think that’s all i have to say at the moment (before i start sobbing — i told you i’m a mess!!!) Since its only about a week more to my big day, i don’t think i’ll be able to update my blog anytime soon… So to my fellow readers, do wish me luck and pray for our happiness!

Love Aint Just A Feeling…

Filed under: Uncategorized — hazedazed at 1:58 am on Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Hiya Peeps! Its been a while… yadda yadda yadda. Plenty of things are happening, and i dunno where to start. Actually, i’ve been meaning to write about "it" for months now, but i just havent found the right time, or the right place, or the right moment to start. As i sit here in my office, bored outta my skull, i just cant find the right words to explain how i feel and what’s going on in my life just yet.
Then, i read my doctor friend’s blog, and i could feel the pain she’s going through in her life. How she could put her pain into carefully thought words, i will never know. I know she’ll probably be reading this blog (coz i think she’s one of the very few ppl who’re even interested to read my ramblings), so i dedicate this article i found to her, in hopes that she will find solace and hope in her darkest hour. I know I have found some wisdom in between these lines…
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT  PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a  woman asked a common question. She said,"How
do I  know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that  there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It
depends. Is that your  husband?" In all seriousness, she answered  "How
do you know?"

Let me answer this question  because the chances are good that it’s
weighing on your  mind. Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In  the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse. You  anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked
their  idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse  wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely
natural and spontaneous  experience.

You didn’t have to DO anything.  That’s why it’s called "falling" in
love… Because it’s  happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I  was swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that  expression. It implies that you were just standing there;
doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO  YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It’s a  passive and spontaneous experience. But
after a few years of  marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the
natural cycle of  EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become
a  bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when  it
happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being  cute, drive
you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary  with every relationship, but if you think
about your  marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the
initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even  angry
subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your  spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the
right person?"  And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the
love  you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for
their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in  all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the
most obvious. But  sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or  abusive substances. But the answer to this
dilemma does NOT  lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it. I’m not saying that you  couldn’t fall in love with
someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be
in  the same situation a few years later. Because (listen  carefully to
this):

THE  KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT’S LEARNING  TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING  love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER
just  happen to you. You can’t "find" LASTING love. You have to "make"  it
day in and day out. That’s why we  have the expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time,  effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes
WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to  make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is  NOT a mystery. There are specific things
you can do  (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of  the universe (such as gravity), there
are also laws for  relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program  makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your  marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you
know  and apply the laws, the results are predictable… you can  "make"
love.

Love in marriage is indeed a  "decision"… Not just a feeling.