Health Alert!
NEW DISEASES IN MALAYSIA
The Malaysian Ministry of Health is now asking the public to be on the lookout for symptoms of the following new contagious diseases:
ASSMA
Severe rashes around the mouth caused by kissing too much ass. The number-one disease in Malaysia amongst civil servants. << I’ve seen some really serious cases while i was working with HSBC & eCosway.com too! Luckily, i escaped from those establishments unscathed… ;P
DIALARRHOEA
Uncontrollable urge to continually dial friends on mobile phone to share with them such important information as "I’m now on the monorail"or "I’m walking towards the car." Victims can be recognized by large, twitching thumb. << I think i’ve experienced this once or twice while riding the LRT.. ahaks!
MEESLES
Blotchy skin condition caused by eating too many packets of instant noodles. << Thank God i’m no Maggi addict!!!
MULTIPLE SPOUSOSIS
Affliction whereby victims make frequent trips to Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, and China to take on additional brides. Middle-aged men are at significant risk. << I think this particular disease is getting worse in Malaysia, esp among middle-aged Malay men. Only now they don’t really have to go overseas to get new brides as they can take their pick from starlets and pretty young things right here in Malaysia. Save cost maa… >;P
YELLOW FEVER
Compulsion to date Asian females. Very common affliction amongst foreign celebrities and caucasian expatriates working in Malaysia. Also known as Pinkerton’s Disease. << Didn’t realize that Asian females are YELLOW?!?!?!
EKOR-TOTONUS
Flushed complexion, high blood pressure and sometimes depression at finding out one has not won any gaming numbers and lotteries. << Sufferers can normally be seen squatting near Sports Toto & 4D shops…
HEAVYTITIS
Excessively large breasts. This disease comes in several variant strains…….. Heavytitis A; Heavytitis B; Heavytitis C, and sometimes Heavytitis DD. << Although most cases are developed naturally, there are some rare cases where the disease attacks people recovering from surgeries in the chest area…
CYBERTENSION
Feelings of stress and panic caused by lack of internet access. << Sadly, I’ve managed to contract this disease. Thank God it’s still in the early stages… Am still looking for a cure… 
DYEBETES
A compulsive need to colour one’s hair. Reddish brown tints are the most common symptom, but health authorities have reported a new strain of blond highlights. << Alot of my friends & relatives have this… I’m one of the lucky few who have managed to avoid this maliciously spreading disease…
CHICKEN TOX
Victims exhibit a great need to talk ****. Highly contagious. Spread by ordinary conversation, and may be exacerbated by good food and alcohol. Politicians and lawyers are especially susceptible. Incurable. << Teh tarik and cappuccinos can also aggravate this problem too!
